i think i reached another possibility to why being casual didn’t feel right for me. it’s completely okay that i’m learning about myself and what i like but i think it’s just not fair that guys get to reap the benefits of my self-discovery without caring about me. it all seems very obvious but i think i had to learn it myself to actually realize it’s true.
this blog will end up reading like a shangri-las song most of the time but i guess i'm okay with that.
• ask
been teen
been teen
when i went to denny’s with ray he ordered a glass of milk. it was cute.
i’m spending the night with a friend at MIT because my campus doesn’t open until tomorrow and all the mit students are in the hallway being loud and laughing and saying math jokes and it’s a little intimidating. i was going to spend the night at boston boy’s but when i asked him he said “are you going to make it worth it?” and that made me feel really gross with myself so i am not going to talk to him again, i think.
winter break at home was nice. i think i accidentally fell in love with all my guy friends though, just because i hadn’t been exposed to testosterone in such a long time. i did not sleep with anyone though, which is good. i don’t think i’m going to for awhile, perhaps in a “denial of pleasure” sort of way.
i’m going to start writing more again. at least here. just to sort things out.
i’m also latina though, its offensive that everyone thinks i’m only asian.
this is embarrassing but i figured i needed to write it out or something
sad, older men are my type.
i was thinking “i hope he’s one of those sad, introverted boys” because i’m very compatible with sad teenage boys but then i thought “no, i should not be dating sad guys anymore because i can’t ever help them, ever” and now i’m just thinking “whatever”.
really, whatever. i need to do homework.
i think i got myself into a date on okcupid with a 26 year old writer/ journalist from boston. he’s handsome but in that generic, beard and glasses and collared shirts way that every white, 20 something year old, “academic” bostonian is.
i told him that russian ark is playing at my college’s theater this sunday and he said “we should go, if you want. that’s a lovely, lovely movie”.
he also didn’t do any of those questions or profile filling out stuff, and when i told him this he said “i guess we’ll just have to talk”
he linked me to his blog and i suppose he’s already kinda a somebody. if anything i’m just networking. he better get me a job someday.
